Of Names and Fears and Faith

I’ve been thinking about the name “Jordan’s Crossing”. It’s actually the (unofficial) name of our property here in Oklahoma. The name came about when we first moved here 3+ years ago. It’s tied to the crossing of the Jordan River into the promised land by the Hebrew people in the book of Joshua which was what God was teaching us at the time in the moving/buying process. In fact, one of the ways we knew this was The Place was because when we first viewed this house, it had a painting on the wall of- yep, you guessed it- the Crossing of the Jordan. The Jordan

Crossing the Jordan symbolizes “death to self”. We had to die quite a few times to the way we wanted things to be, to the timing God had for us, to the impossibility of the whole thing. God wasn’t going to let us move down here our way. He was holding us in faith to His way, and stretching us and growing us in the knowledge of His Son in the process as He was showing us His love and teaching us not to touch things and let Him do the working.

I kinda feel like I’m in the same place now with Jordan’s Crossing, the business. Idk… with the stroke, i feel I’ve lost a bit of the vision I had for it. I don’t know if I’ve lost it or if God’s just shifting things around into His positioning. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do the market and keep up in the busy season. I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage talking to people. I don’t know if my brain will function when people ask a question or if my emotions will hold together when I get tired. I don’t know if I can traverse the grassy stretch and the long distance to make it to the bathroom (hope I don’t pee my pants! 😉 ). So many “I don’t knows”.

Jordan’s Crossing is an appropriate name for this time in my life. But while it means “death to self” it also SO MUCH MORE means “raised to Life in Him”. Praise God! My death isn’t in myself… it’s contained in Him. It’s part of HIS working in me. I don’t have to work at dying to self; but just look at Him and listen to His Spirit in me and give Him what His gentle finger touches. And I can relax about things from there and let them go. So where I see questions and impossibilities, He has plans that I can’t see. He’s got all my “I don’t knows” figured out. Where I see a flood of water before me, He sees dry land. He bids me step into the water by faith.

Okay, Lord. I’m not there yet, but do take me there….

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