Emotions, Who’s Ruling?

When I had my stroke, I kept telling the physical therapy people that I felt like I was tipping over. I wasn’t really. But it felt like it. 

The muscles in my leg were weakened from the stroke, but I didn’t lose muscle tone, and it came back quickly. Still I’ve struggled consistently since then with the sense of tipping over. 

It’s in my brain. I’ve never actually tipped over, and probably won’t. I’ve had grandchildren run in to me and didn’t fall. I’ve been eagerly greeted by large puppies and didn’t fall. In both cases, my muscles compensated and reacted rightly to keep me upright. I think it’s just the perception my brain was left with after the stroke. 

I need and want to learn to trust more that I won’t tip over regardless of how it feels. 

You know, a lot of things feel a certain way. They may not be that way really, but it feels like it. We give so much place to how we feel. Our emotions are pretty much everything to us. Our perceptions are based so much on how things feel. 

But, how we feel might not be Reality. And we must leave place for that possibility (probability), and not let our emotions become God to us. They do not rule our wills. We don’t have to let them be in charge and define our reality. So often emotions are false friends and outright liars. 

There’s a time to get a grip and tell myself that this feeling, good or bad, isn’t in charge, and walk away. Easier said than done?

Of course. It always is. 

I’m determined that the feeling of tipping over will not keep me from walking without a cane again one day, even in public crowds. And more than that, to not let my angry feelings about this or that define my moments; to not let discouragement rule my day, to not let assumptions of what others might or might not be thinking keep me from loving. And the list goes on.

Jesus must rule the kingdom of my emotions. It might take me a while in whatever situation to get there, but he promises if I seek him, and lean Into him, he will get me there. <3

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