Just stopping by to share a few pics and thoughts from last weekend’s market. As you can tell it was a sloppy, soggy day. But! we survived 🙂 and actually did about our average as far as sales, even tho’ the crowds were rather small.
More than that tho’, it was a bit of a milestone for me as far as the stroke goes. It was the very first time that I actually felt (approaching) normal out in public. No self-consciousness, no self-doubt, no frustration of self-pity. Basically: No Self. Just resting and relaxing into (the new) me.
It was an incredibly freeing realization. Like taking a long, deep, clear breath. Joyous and peaceful.
I mean, if you’re sick or have suffered some trauma, you kinda have to focus in on that and stay there for however long it takes.. but I feel like after last Saturday that my however-long-it-takes now has a little, small pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel finally.
I admire those people who go through a hard thing and who can “tough it out” and inspire everyone with their endurance and grace in the midst, but that’s not me. It used to be me, a long time ago. And it looked good to others, even inspired others….but it was exhausting and it downright wasn’t honest.
I’ve had to face it again and again: I’m a wimp when it comes to suffering. And my strength is in admitting it and not hiding in any “toughness”. Jesus will take up my cause from there. He’s doing a good work in me. I am happy in Him. Yes, there’s still alot farther to go as far as my stroke recovery, but when I am weak and broken, then I am strong and He is my source. That’s not just words for me to “buck up to” any more. Rather they’ve become the Reality that lives in my being.
Oh, this Son, He is beautiful. He IS the long, deep, clear breath…….. faithful and true. 🙂